We encounter negotiations every day, whether it is allocating budgets, setting project deadlines, or organizing team workflows. Negotiations can be stressful. The feeling that you need to defend your position is completely natural. Sometimes negotiations are seen as a tug of war, where one side’s win must mean the other’s loss. 

At SpeakSmart, we believe the opposite. The best agreements are reached when we do not sit on opposing sides, but instead work together to solve a shared problem. This approach is called integrative negotiation. Unlike positional bargaining, where each side clings to its demands, integrative negotiation focuses on underlying interests and creating shared value.

How can you move from confrontation to collaboration? Here are three practical steps:

1. Separate the person from the problem

Negotiations become uncomfortable when they turn personal. In integrative negotiation, the focus is on the problem we are solving, not the person we are speaking with. Instead of seeing the other party as a difficult counterpart, see them as a resource who holds information you need to find a solution.

2. Ask “why”, not “what”

When a partner says, “I cannot agree to that deadline,” that is their position. When you ask, “What is the reason this deadline is critical for you?”, you get to their underlying interest. Perhaps the issue is staffing, or dependencies on other deliveries. Understanding interests is the only way to expand the pie and find solutions that satisfy both sides.

3. Generate options before deciding

Do not rush to the first solution. A key skill in integrative negotiation is the ability to generate multiple options together with your counterpart. This reduces pressure and opens the door to creative solutions that neither side might see on their own.

Integrative negotiation is not about making concessions. It is about seeing solutions where others see obstacles. When we shift conversations from positions to shared interests, we save time, preserve relationships, and achieve outcomes that are more sustainable. At SpeakSmart’s negotiation training, this is exactly what we practice: turning difficult standoffs into productive collaboration.

Age Toomla
Trainer and Moderator
SpeakSmart

Age Toomla is a trainer and moderator at SpeakSmart. She holds a Master’s degree in Comparative Politics from the University of Tartu and has previously worked at the Domus Dorpatensis Foundation for Science and Culture as the head of a youth leadership program, at the Ministry of Education and Research and the Education and Youth Board as a senior expert, and in an applied research company as an analyst. She began her training work in argumentation skills, and has also taught a high school elective in political science and led seminars at the University of Tartu.

SpeakSmart is Estonia’s leading training and consulting company in argumentation and communication skills. Its mission is to help individuals and teams communicate effectively, think critically, express their views clearly, and make better decisions. Over eighteen years of operation, the company has trained more than 22,000 people.